dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
