If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize