He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
