He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
