I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
