apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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