I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I need moral support for this bender
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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