Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
