i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We smell like vodka and hangover
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
