PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
