What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize