absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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