Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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