Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
