At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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