I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
