I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize