My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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