I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize