my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize