I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
