Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
