you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
