i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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