elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
