Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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