I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
