its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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