I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
