last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
