so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
