I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
