How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
