that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
