and she was petting her beer can
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
