At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
