it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
