he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
