Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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