at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
