drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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