Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I want a musical about memes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
