Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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