quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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