I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
