he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
