Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
