Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
