I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
