im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
