ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When did angry sex become our thing?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
