My pussy is not your playground.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
