fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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