I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
