Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
