so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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