MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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