We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
