Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
