it hurts more in the daytime
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
