I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize