if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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