At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my shit smells like andre
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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