I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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