Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
