Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
