I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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