thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
