I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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