watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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