Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
