I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
