Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
