It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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