I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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