i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
