So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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