i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
