put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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